So after I resigned myself from starvation, then I must have binged a tad Saturday and Sunday. I didn't exercise either. By Monday I was back at my starting weight. Then, I didn't exercise all this week. Completely let go; I lack energy and craved crunchy, sweet, and filling food. Maybe I need to take some new diet pills.
Mornings are so bleak these days. It's January, now it's super cold, below zero but I don't need this fat to keep warm! Last year at this time, I was 117. I remember what it was like to be bony and have some shape to my butt. I wanted to be under 110. I was able to put on a size 1 jeans one week, but wore a 3. Now I'd like to be 120.
2005-2006, I was at a shitty job and was stressed to the max. I did exercise at least 5 days a week even if I felt lazy. Though I was thin, I remember being frustrated that my husband didn't say a word about my weight loss. Sure I was being compared to an Ethiopan like the ones we saw on tv and I haven't had that much attention before, or since the past 6 months. But I wasn't the center of my hubby's attention. Maybe if he touched these bones enough, he'd notice; maybe he didn't like it. Why do I need his approval? Really, it's quite ill to constantly try to please people all the time.
Now, I'm a size larger than a year ago. What happened to me? Well, I do tend to indulge at times. I had fois gras for the first time the other day. It was Francis' favorite recipe I got from The Restaurant Guys Radio. I followed it exactly and was impressed wtih my gourmet abilities. It was a different taste than what we expected. Well, it ought to be divine; that lobe alone was over $100. We still have half of it left over which we will eat tomorrow. How many calories were in that meal? One thing for SURE, both my hubby and I were FULL for the entire night after eating it. Usually my body wants to eat every 2 hours, so that was a welcome thing, I guess I'll look at it that way.
Fois gras, pate, and truffles was what my husband gave me for xmas. I talked about them non-stop for two weeks. Then I forgot all about it and didn't mention it for the past couple months. Not to sound selfish, but he benefitted just as much as I did for the foods, but he did remind me that he listens to me, tries to please me, and that he tries new things.
A bag of baby carrots filled me up at work, and I have been avoiding the free bread that I get there and was eating every morning at 9. I even skipped lunch 3 days and are hard to resist because they are free. They cooked Thai noodles on Tuesday, and I couldn't say no to Thai. That day, and most days this week I sat at my desk over lunch, and tried not to eat much. I tried not to work for at least 1/2 hour during the day. I wanted to stay at work because I wasn't hungry when I was I there, at least not lately.
